Life is Beautiful
by TakeMe4aRide
Summary: I couldn't let myself destroy who you are, Derek. I couldn't let myself destroy us. That's why I had to live. MerDer oneshot. PostSome Kind of Miracle.


**A/N: **My first fanfic that I've posted, so I hope ya like it. This picks up at the beginning of the MerDer scene in Some Kind of Miracle. The first few lines are from that scene. I wrote this cause I felt we really didn't get enough in that scene. It was sweet, but hello, she almost died and they didn't even have them say "I love you." So I had to write this to make me feel better.

**Disclaimer: **_Life is Beautiful _belongs to Vega 4. And obviously Grey's Anatomy belongs to Shonda, not me. If it belonged to me, that episode would have had way more MerDer. Actually, every episode would have way more MerDer.

**Dedication:** To all of the Team Mer girls for encouraging me to write. You all rock my socks. Love ya!

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_Life is beautiful_

_But it's complicated and we barely make it_

_We don't need to understand_

_There are miracles_

_Miracles_

Derek stood leaning at the door to Meredith's room watching her sleep. As if sensing his presence, Meredith's eyes slowly fluttered open. "Hey," Derek said softly, giving her his trademark McDreamy smile.

"Hey," Meredith replied just as softly. Derek walked into the room. Reaching her bedside, he leaned down and kissed her gently.

He sighed, not wanting to have to tell her about her mother's death. "Meredith..."

But she seemed to already know. "My mother's dead, isn't she?"

A little shocked, Derek nodded. "Yes."

"It's ok," she said as Derek neeled down next to her hospital bed. "I think...I think it's ok." She turned to look at him. She knew he was probably wondering why she was handling this so well. She looked into his eyes which were full of questions. "You want to know how I knew. Why I'm taking this so well." Derek just nodded. "I'll tell you. God, you're gonna think I'm crazy..."

"Never."

"Oh, you may change your mind about that." She barely understood what had happened herself, but wanted Derek to know all that had gone on. "When I was..." she stopped, not wanting to say the word. "Well anyway. I was in the hospital. The first people I saw were Denny and Dylan. But I thought, 'If this is my brain, the first person I'd want to see is Doc.' And then appeared out of nowhere." She stopped. Derek was watching her carefully, but not saying a word. "See, you think I'm crazy."

"No, I don't. Just trying to understand. I want to know. I do."

"Ok." Meredith took a deep breath, "There were other people there too. My mother's scrub nurse. And Bonnie." Recognition crossed Derek's face, and she knew he remembered that night. The night of the train accident. When he didn't pick her. When Bonnie died and Meredith had insisted that they had an obligation to try to save her life. Meredith watched Derek's eyes cloud over with guilt. She grabbed his hand and laced their fingers together. "It's ok Derek," she assured him.

"No it's--" She cut him off by placing her fingers softly against his lips.

"It is." He nodded, and she continued with her story. "They kept telling me that I had to listen, I had to understand what they were trying to say. I didn't get what they were trying to tell me at first. But then...then I started to understand. None of them wanted to die."

"Well neither did you..." Derek trailed off. "Right?" She looked down at the blanket, refusing to meet his eyes. "Mer...what are you...did you want to..."

Meredith felt tears form in her eyes, and she blinked them back. "I gave up, Derek." Her voice came out in a whisper. "I tried, at first. I tried to swim, I honestly did. But then I got tired and the water was so cold and I just...gave up." Despite her efforts, a tear escaped, falling on to the blanket.

Derek felt his chest tighten. "Mer...I don't...why? Why Mer?" Tears came to his eyes as well. "Was it because of your mother? What she said to you? Mer, please look at me." He put his fingers under her chin, raising her head. Her eyes finally met his, both glassy with tears.

"Yes...no...I..." She swallowed. "It was."

Derek felt his heart break for the pain she must have been in to consider just giving up. "Oh Meri." He sat down on the edge of her bed and she fell into his arms. She burried her face in his neck, her warm tears landing on his skin. Derek held on to her as she cried, whispering soothing words into her ear.

After awhile, Meredith pulled back just enough to look at him, but stayed in his arms. She sniffled. Derek reached up and wiped away stray tears from her cheeks. "I'm so sorry Mer. What she said to you..."

"But it's ok, Derek. It really is ok now. I'm not angry anymore. Derek, she was there. I saw my mother. That's how I knew." She smiled sadly.

"She was there?"

Meredith nodded. "My mother was the last person I saw there. She was lucid. She hugged me and told me I'm anything but ordinary." Meredith knew that it didn't take away her lonely childhood, but it was something. And now she could start to heal.

Derek leaned in and pressed a kiss to her forehead. Pulling back, he looked into eyes again, "It's true. You are anything but ordinary Meredith. You could never be ordinary. Not even if you tried."

_He really is my McDreamy, _Meredith thought. "Well neither are you," she said sincerely. "You're not so ordinary yourself." Meredith remembered her conversation with Denny and him telling her about Derek's belief in soulmates and true love. What a miracle it is that that he has such optimism. She had realized then that she had to live. She couldn't break him. Her death would destroy all of those things. She collapsed back into Derek's arms. He was unsure of what she was thinking that made her so upset, but held her tightly anyway. "I couldn't let myself destroy who you are, Derek. I couldn't let myself destroy us. That's why I had to live."

Meredith explained to him as best she could. What Denny had told her. How scared she had felt realizing she had almost run out of time. "But you made it Meredith, and I'm so proud of you...God, I was terrified that I could lose you. I've never been so afraid of anything. Thank you...for coming back to me Meri." His voice shook. "If you had died...I would've died too." Both of them were crying quietly now. "I love you so much Meredith. I haven't told you that enough."

"I love you too, Derek," she assured him. "Will you stay with me tonight?" Of course she didn't even need to ask, as he wasn't planning on leaving her side. Meredith layed down on her side, Derek laying behind her on the small hospital bed. He pulled her against him, his arm around her waist. He listened as her breathing gradually slowed. He stayed awake, watching her, wanting to make sure she was really there, that he hadn't lost her. He ran his fingers through her hair, his other hand laced with hers. _I wish we could stay this way forever. _After what could have been minutes or even hours, Derek finally let himself drift off to sleep, holding his miracle in his arms.

_It's amazing where I'm standing_

_There's a love that we can give_

_This is ours just for a moment_

_There's a love that we can give_

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**A/N 2:** Ok, so there you have it. Yeah, the ending was probably a bit sappy. But there's been so much angst on the show lately, and I think we could all use some fluffiness. So tell me what you thought. Click the pretty little purple button and review. C'mon, you know you want to.


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